SEARCHING FOR THE TRUTH (CONT’D)

The next step in my spiritual journey was when I was sixteen years old. I found a book of Mother’s lying around and began to read it. The book was entitled The Wall and was about the plight of Warsaw Jews during World War II. Essentially, the events that occurred in this book opened my eyes to the evil that existed in the world and I began to have my first real questions about God and His purposes.

My thoughts ran like this: if there is a God, how could He allow such horrible things to occur, especially to a group of people who were “His chosen”? These doubts continued to be present in my thoughts for many years. I remember once asking for an appointment with my minister to discuss some of my uncertainties, but for some reason, he kept putting me off, thus making me even more unsure. I finally sought advice from Mother’s former boss, a minister who worked for the denomination but didn’t actually pastor a church. He told me to pray about it, a suggestion I didn’t find particularly helpful; how could I pray when I didn’t believe in a God to pray to? So I continued to flounder in a sea of doubts for several years.

In my mid twenties I became interested in the supernatural world of the occult. I read a book about a man who by going into a trance could picture a person in his mind and could tell what was physically wrong with him/her. He would then describe a cure that usually involved some kind of natural solution. There were many testimonials written about him and his healing techniques. What got my attention was the fact that here was something that could happen outside of natural forces. To me that indicated the possibility, perhaps even probability, that there was some sort of higher power in charge, causing these supernatural events. So for several years I explored the concepts of these “new age” ideas, from healing to astrology to reincarnation and many types of “paranormal” experiences..

The importance of all this is that I began to believe in God, but I still had many questions that needed answers. I was not receiving any in the church I belonged to so began attending another one a little farther from our house. The children liked this much better and we all began to go on a regular basis.

The minister of this church was very likeable and we quickly became friends. I volunteered to help him with some secretarial work once a week and our friendship deepened. His influence on my spiritual beliefs gradually grew and I began to see that the “supernatural” existed within the Christian realm, as well. I admitted this to myself even though I didn’t really embrace orthodox Christian beliefs. I just couldn’t deny that prayers were being answered in this small church.

I began to pray seriously myself for the first time since I was a child. Tomorrow we shall see what the result was.