THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION

We’ve all heard about how much communication can help relationships. Every good marriage therapist learns that fact in Counseling 101. I agree with its importance, and that’s why after 2½ years of trying to understand Rufus and vice versa, I’m pleased to announce that we have finally learned what each one wants. Well, almost.

Here’s a typical scenario: I’m sitting in my favorite red chair in the living room either reading or working (or playing) on the laptop and he approaches and puts his paws on the seat cushion. It can be one of several things he wants, and a lot depends on the circumstances. Is it time for him to eat? Has he been outside in the last 2-3 hours? If so, was the “big job” accomplished for the day? Does he want to come up in the chair with me? Or does he just want me to play with him? You can see how complex life can be when one of the communicants can’t talk.

So it’s up to me to figure it out. I know better than to try to pick him up. That’s a definite no, no in his book. If it’s been a while since he’s been out I ask if he wants to “go outside.” He knows what that means. So I go to the door with his leash and stand there looking out. If he decides that’s what he wants to do, he will saunter up to the door and get in front of me. Then and only then can I put the leash on. If I try to do it before he gets to the door he runs away.

If he wants to play, he runs and gets a toy and wags his tail to let me know that that’s what he wants. If he wants to get in the chair, he just jumps up with me. And the eating is easy; if it’s late afternoon, I feed him. So the one that’s very important to understand is that he needs to go out. Otherwise, there are dire consequences.

The very last resort he uses to communicate is that he runs up on the fifth step of the stairs and gives me “THE LOOK.” That’s when I know he’s desperate, and I will respond to that. If I don’t, he goes upstairs in the hall to do his “business.”

So you can see that this is a complicated affair, this learning to communicate when one of us can’t speak the language. It’s almost as difficult as learning to read what your spouse really wants.